I know this is a hot take. I know some of you are going to feel some type of way about it. But I’m speaking from experience, so let’s get into it… I don’t recommend single mom life.
I was a single mom to my oldest son starting when he was young, and today he’s 14. I also have 2 year old. For most of that time, I had a village. My family was close, people showed up, I had help when I needed it. Being a single mom didn’t really set in for me until I moved away from home. That’s when the weight of it hit — no backup, no one to tag in when I was tired, sick, or just needed five minutes to myself. Also, my son was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD, so the struggle was real.
Most of the time I constantly wondered what I could I have done to make him that way (before I was more educated on the topic) and if things would have been different if I was around more and not at work. We in a great place now and I’m forever grateful so have made it through that dark time in my life because I did struggle mentally due to the struggles I had with him. I’ve talked before about how overwhelming motherhood can become and some of the ways I’ve learned to navigate parenthood stress
And that’s the part I want to be honest about.
This Isn’t a “Single Moms Can’t Do It” Post
Let me be clear: I’m not saying it’s impossible. It’s not. There are single moms out there right now who are doing this every single day and rocking it.Raising incredible kids, holding down jobs, keeping the lights on, showing up for every practice and parent-teacher conference. I see you, and I’m not discounting that.
But I also know there are moms out there who are struggling. Financially. Mentally. Quietly, behind a smile, because nobody wants to admit they’re drowning. And I think we do a disservice to those women when we only tell the “I did it alone and I’m a queen” side of the story. Both things can be true. It can be possible and still be one of the hardest things a person ever does.
If I Had to Choose Single Mom Life Again
Here’s my actual hot take: if you gave me the choice — genuinely asked me, “would you do this again, knowing what you know now?” — I would not choose single motherhood. Not because I regret my son, not even a little. But because I know now what it costs to do this alone, even with help. I would have waited. Waited until I was older, more established, more sure of myself. And I would have wanted a partner — an actual, present, supportive partner — in the picture from the start.
That’s not me saying single moms did something wrong. It’s me saying that if there’s a choice to be made, and you’re the one making it, it’s okay to want the version of motherhood that isn’t the hardest possible version. It’s okay to want backup. It’s okay to want a teammate.
Why I’m Saying This Out Loud
Because I think we’ve made “single mom” into this badge of honor that you’re not allowed to critique from the inside. And I get why — it’s often a survival mechanism. You tell yourself you’re strong, you’re a warrior, you’ve got this, because you have to. But somewhere in there, we stopped being allowed to say: “this is really hard, and I wish it had gone differently.” Research backs up just how heavy the balancing act can feel for parents, especially moms.
I had a village for most of it. I still felt the difference the moment that village wasn’t standing right next to me. So to the moms doing this with less support than I had — I don’t know how you’re doing it, but I know it’s not because it’s easy.
This isn’t a guilt trip, and it’s not a warning label on single motherhood as a whole. It’s just an honest answer to a question I think more of us should be allowed to ask each other: “if you could’ve chosen differently, would you have?”
For me? Yeah. I would have.
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